Mired in the Molasses Swamp

If you read my last post, you might have noticed that I was not in a great place…a really not great place. I never questioned adopting that’s one thing I have right, but I did question how it was ever going to happen. How was I ever going to finish all the paperwork, raise all the money, jump through all the hopes? The answer and the question were both so overwhelming. I was stuck. I slowed down on everything because I just didn’t have all the answers.

As I talked it over with a good friend, she asked me “are you doing your best?” She’s so wise. It was an easy enough question but the answer was hard to admit. Was I doing my best? Was I diligently working on all the paperwork or was it sitting in my desk drawer? Had I finished reading all of the required books or was I just spending time thinking about reading the books? I wasn’t to doing my best, far from it. My best is way better than half-assing it, my best will blow you away.

I went to church a couple days later and I was reminded just how small I am in the grand scheme of things. I heard this verse and crumbled:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.—Matthew 11:28-29

I realized the biggest problem was that I wasn’t trusting in God 100% to take care of this. Sure, I said I did but the reality was I didn’t. I hadn’t turned it all over to Him. I was taking parts of it into my own hands. See, I have a big problem with trust, BIG. You would think that if there was one “person” I could count on completely it would be God. But trusting in anyone is not something that comes easy for me. I’ve been so self-reliant for so long that I thought I had to have all the answers, solve all the problems on my own. That was my deception.. truth is I don’t and I can’t.

I needed that message more than I can explain here. Once I took it all in, it was like the sun rose on a different day. The very next day, I started back to work on my dossier and realized I was further along than I thought I was. It’s over at the agency right now for review before I have it notarized. I’ve set the date for my fund-raising yard sale (June 7 & 8 if you’re interested in scoring some bargains). Things are back on track.

Thank God for new days.