Dear Elijah-
Oh dear boy! It has been months since I've written, please don't think you've been forgotten. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, miss you desperately and send you my love. Time is flying by, love. The seasons are slowly changing and we are moving up on the list-- number 49 as of yesterday. Day by day we are getting closer.
We'll be coming up on Easter shortly. Our church started a series on waiting this past Sunday. It will be a six week series in 1 Kings. It's one of my favorite stories in the Bible and hopefully it will be yours too. It also happens to be where your name comes from--Elijah. Elijah was a first testament prophet who steadfastly followed the Lord. He fled to the desert and while he was there the Lord protected him and prepared him for what was to come. When the time came, God spoke to him. Not in fire, great winds or earthquakes-- He came to Elijah in a whisper.
It seems like we're always waiting on a sign. Some divine intervention or burning bush to let us know we're on the right track. We expect God to get all Old Testament with us and set something ablaze or rain down sulfur to get our attention. Our lives are so busy running from point A to point B, heads stuck in our computers or our phones-- we forget to listen.
I remember that whisper. I was driving home from your Yaya and Papa's house, Yaya was in the hospital. I was there that day attempting to be the caretaker. In reality, what I was was bossy and a little too insistent with the nursing staff who didn't seem to be as responsive as I would have liked. In the quiet darkness of the drive home, I prayed. I was so scared. But I heard it, clear as a bell, "isn't it time to worry about someone else? to take care of someone other than yourself?" I knew He wasn't talking about Yaya, she would be fine. It was time.
As I've told you many times, you were born in my heart so long ago it seems like you've always been with me. But it was then that I knew it was time to begin the process of bringing you home to me. In that whisper my life was forever changed.
And as I wait here for you, God is working in my life in ways I never could have imagined. It's not always easy, your Mama is hard headed! (oh I hope you don't pick up that trait) I don't always learn the lesson the first time or the second.. or the twentieth. But I'm learning.. everyday I'm learning. And my life is so different than I ever imagined it would be. All in good ways, I can't wait to share it with you.
Some days I just need to lean on the Father with everything I have. Most days of the week, I can put my head down and barrel through just about anything life throws my way. But there are others where the slightest sound or sight will break my heart with desperation from missing you. On those days, it's just breath to breath for me. I know it's all in God's time and I will rest in that.
Until Next Time,
All my Love-
Mom
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